5 weeks and 3 days later…

Well guys, I’m pregnant! I’m 5 weeks and 3 days! It’s so crazy. Oh my gosh. Liam’s so excited. I told my family today. My mom wasn’t upset. I didn’t get any negative feedback, it was all good support. Things are just going to be rough. I’ll have one semester of college down before the baby comes and Liam will be half way through his senior year. I’m so anxious. I have an appointment Thursday at a local pregnancy center to set up things for WIC. I’ll hopefully have a job interview this weekend. I really need a job. Neither Liam nor I have jobs, so it’s going to be rough. We have side jobs but nothing official.

I need baby advice! I’m taking prenatal vitamins and I’ve been eating healthy. Any advice from you moms? Even advice from soon-to-be moms would be great!

I’m sick and tired of giving up.

It’s been so long since I’ve been on here… I’m so sorry. Life has been incredibly hectic. Let’s start back from Valentine’s Day…

I made an appointment with the baby doctor on Valentine’s Day. I was a few days late and had a few symptoms. I was extremely paranoid and I didn’t know what else to do. I was kind of disappointed when the nurse told me everything was negative. Little did I know, that negative test was probably the best thing that could have happened since then.

Later that night, I made Liam homemade chicken parmesan. He bought me flowers and I got him a flannel jacket (that he LOVES). We also bought each other matching DC loafers. It’s cute, if you ask me. Well…

Fastforward to March…

I got a reckless driving ticket… 77 in a 55. I have to go to court April 9th. I’m so nervous. Have any of you guys been through this? It’s my first ticket. I’ve had my license for over a year and I’m 17. I’m so scared! Omg. Okay, so last Tuesday, Liam and I decided to skip school. I have NEVER skipped school and I wanted to rebellious. So, I didn’t tell anyone I was skipping. We went to the SPCA and then came back to my house. We took a nap and I woke up around 1. I had an extremely bad feeling and thought about going to school for the last hour and a half. I decided I wasn’t going to go. Well, at 2:30, I hear someone yelling upstairs…it’s my mom. She found out I wasn’t in school and she was FURIOUS. Liam and I ran out the basement and tried to leave. I parked my car behind the barn and the night before, it had rained. My car was stuck -___- My mom and sister leave and I run upstairs and tell my Nannie what happened. She wasn’t upset about me not going, she was upset with the way my mom was acting. Long story short, I had to “move” back up to my mom’s. I told her I hated living there, she hit me and threw my phone at me several times – which left several bruises on me – and she kicked me out. My aunt came down and we all had this family meeting. Usually, she takes my mom’s side on things but this time, she took mine. I’m still living with my grandmother but I’m under strict rules. Not really but anyway…

Social services was called and they did nothing. Absolutely nothing. I thought about pressing charges and getting a restraining order against my mom because I don’t want her to interfere with my life anymore. I know that sounds bad but I’m 17 years old. There is no need for her to leave bruises on me with a cell phone. She told me she was done with me, she wasn’t helping to pay for graduation, prom, or anything else. This is her basically giving up my rights. Idk. Well, last weekend, Liam decided to lie to me…

He went to a party and didn’t tell me. He told me he “fell asleep early”. He got high and idk…he also dips, which he swore to God he didn’t do. He knew all this shit was happening with my mom (he was there for the meeting and everything), so you’d think he wouldn’t lie and treat me like this. I never lie to Liam. I’ve always been honest with him. It just sucks that I’ve been lied to continuously for the past 6 months… What am I doing so wrong?

Okay. I’m sorry I’ve neglected you guys…so much has gone on…

1. social services

2. getting kicked out

3. skipping school

4. being lied to

5. pregnancy scare

6. migraines

7. college

8. algebra

9. puppies

10. my crazy mother.

 

 

I SHALL BE BACK TOMORROW!

 

xoxo

All Or Nothing – We Are The In Crowd.

Seriously, I wish I could copy and paste all the lyrics to this song and put that as my header. Please, listen to this song. It just came on my Pandora…the timing couldn’t be any more perfect.

Last night was horrible. I looked through Liam’s phone…he had two girls’ Facebooks up on his internet and I found out he has been smoking. I don’t care if he smokes, he’s just been lying about it. Like seriously, you’re really going to keep on lying to me over pointless shit? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I can’t believe this. I don’t understand. Why? Why me? What am I doing so wrong? Why isn’t he happy? Why can’t he tell me the truth? WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS A STRUGGLE? After I found everything on his phone, I went into my room, turned on the light (because he was sleeping, it was like midnight) and threw all his clothes in a drawer I had at my house and told him to leave. I don’t remember what happened afterwards but I know it was rough. I was really rude, he bawled like a baby, we screamed at each other, he held me so tight, I just stood there, I don’t even know. i’m so confused.

I’m lost.

Please.

Help me. I don’t want to lose this…or is it even worth it?

I like the way love looks, the way it looks on you.

I’m SO excited for Valentine’s Day. Even though it’s a day after Liam and I’s one month anniversary, we’ve been talking since October 4th. So technically, we’ve been together for almost four months. Really but not really. I don’t remember what Charley and I did for Valentine’s day last year. It isn’t that significant if I can’t remember. 

I want to remember everything Liam and I do together. I have a really bad memory though. See, I get migraines – really bad migraines – and I don’t remember a lot. I also get this thing in my eye that temporarily blocks my peripheral vision with a flashing light kinda thing but after the migraine, I have a blind spot like you do in a car. I don’t realize it until I move my hand to a certain position. It’s weird.

Anyway, hopefully these migraines won’t interfere too much with the memories Liam and I have together. I just need ideas for Valentine’s Day! I want to make him dinner. I asked what his favorite food was. He said pasta. So, I’m trying to think of great pasta recipes. I’m a pretty good chef, if you ask me. I’m always making food and he loves whatever I make. I’m a perfect housewife. Goodness, now I’m getting conceited. 

Have a great Wednesday, guys! I’m off to look for recipes! :)

Can we just start over again?

When I got home yesterday, Liam and I headed to the grocery store, an auto shop to get a headlight for my car, and then to the library for a book I needed for school. Things were going good and then he told me our friend, Cole, could put my headlight in for me. I didn’t want to spend 30 dollars to put something in he could do for free, so of course I took the offer.

I went home and made chicken and dumplings while Liam washed my car. He said we would go to Cole’s at 5. Well, we didn’t leave my house until 7. Cole’s step dad was the one putting in the headlight for me, so we had to wait for him to get home. We left my house at 7, like I said, and I didn’t feel good at all. I ate way too much and I was extremely moody. Liam said he’d drive my car to Cole’s while I stayed home…uh, no. So, we get to Cole’s and I was expecting his step dad to be there. I ended up watching them play 2K for an hour. I sat on the bed next to Liam and he would occasionally look over at my phone. I tweeted, “This is why I like being single. Fuck feelings.” because I was in my feelings, I was moody. I hid my phone when Liam looked over and he got mad. Finally, his step dad came home and fixed my light. We thanked him and left. Well, when we got into my car, Liam kept asking me if I was mad. I wasn’t mad, I was just upset. I didn’t feel good and I wanted to sleep, not watch them play 2K.

When we got to my house, I told him to pack his things and I was taking him home. I really upset him. I sat on the floor with our puppy, Gia, and he sat in front of me. He apologized and we talked about some things, him not wanting to leave. I told him that even though we’ve spent every night since Thursday talking about my trust issues, he has yet to prove to me he wants me to trust him. I want him to openly talk to me about things and we both agreed we’d work on our communication skills.

We go lay on the couch in the living room and he asks what I was hiding…he got on my Twitter and was looking at my tweets. He saw the tweet about me being single and he lost it. He started crying and pushing me away. I held onto him. I didn’t mean it like I said it. I was just saying being single was easier because I didn’t have to worry about feelings. He finally calmed down and he said, “Alex, I’m giving you my all. I’m trusting you with all of me.” I replied, “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to break you. I’m going to hold you, take care of you, watch after you, love you, kiss you, hug you.” He smiled and told me he loved me.

We went back to bed and laid down for half an hour before going to sleep. I asked questions about his ex girlfriend…they were sex oriented questions and they kind of made me feel uncomfortable. He’s lied a number of times to her and I keep thinking he’s going to end up lying to me too. I asked how and why they broke up and I don’t know, it’s sad. She pretty much just left him and then afterwards, wanted him to stay the night with her. He didn’t though. He said he knew things wouldn’t be the same and he was done. 

I woke up at 1:45, saw he was asleep, and took the advantage of going through his phone. No suspicious texts, direct messages, snapchats, BUT I decided to get on his Safari app…I looked through the history and there were links to three different Facebook profiles of girls he goes to school with. I also went through his Facebook messages. Nothing from girls but there was messages from his ex girlfriend…at first, she ignored him. I felt bad for him and then at the end, they were arguing. Like, it went from the beginning of the relationship (which was good), to the middle (she started ignoring him), and then after the break up. He called her a slut, she called him a liar…

I woke him up and told him Vanessa (one of the girls from Facebook he was look at) had messaged me and asked if we were dating. He freaked out and while all this was happening, I was texting a girl from his school asking what she thought. Come to find out, his friend, Tanner, supposedly went through his phone and was looking at those girls. All three of the girls were skinny. Like size 0 skinny. I’m a size 11. I’m a wide girl, and I told him, “I hope you know, I will never be a size 0. I’m going to be this size for quite sometime. Sorry to ruin your dreams.” I was so rude to him. 

We sorted everything out though. I’m not giving up. I’m going to try to make this work. I want this to work. I just hope this is all worth it. I don’t think I can handle another heartbreak.