When I got home yesterday, Liam and I headed to the grocery store, an auto shop to get a headlight for my car, and then to the library for a book I needed for school. Things were going good and then he told me our friend, Cole, could put my headlight in for me. I didn’t want to spend 30 dollars to put something in he could do for free, so of course I took the offer.
I went home and made chicken and dumplings while Liam washed my car. He said we would go to Cole’s at 5. Well, we didn’t leave my house until 7. Cole’s step dad was the one putting in the headlight for me, so we had to wait for him to get home. We left my house at 7, like I said, and I didn’t feel good at all. I ate way too much and I was extremely moody. Liam said he’d drive my car to Cole’s while I stayed home…uh, no. So, we get to Cole’s and I was expecting his step dad to be there. I ended up watching them play 2K for an hour. I sat on the bed next to Liam and he would occasionally look over at my phone. I tweeted, “This is why I like being single. Fuck feelings.” because I was in my feelings, I was moody. I hid my phone when Liam looked over and he got mad. Finally, his step dad came home and fixed my light. We thanked him and left. Well, when we got into my car, Liam kept asking me if I was mad. I wasn’t mad, I was just upset. I didn’t feel good and I wanted to sleep, not watch them play 2K.
When we got to my house, I told him to pack his things and I was taking him home. I really upset him. I sat on the floor with our puppy, Gia, and he sat in front of me. He apologized and we talked about some things, him not wanting to leave. I told him that even though we’ve spent every night since Thursday talking about my trust issues, he has yet to prove to me he wants me to trust him. I want him to openly talk to me about things and we both agreed we’d work on our communication skills.
We go lay on the couch in the living room and he asks what I was hiding…he got on my Twitter and was looking at my tweets. He saw the tweet about me being single and he lost it. He started crying and pushing me away. I held onto him. I didn’t mean it like I said it. I was just saying being single was easier because I didn’t have to worry about feelings. He finally calmed down and he said, “Alex, I’m giving you my all. I’m trusting you with all of me.” I replied, “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to break you. I’m going to hold you, take care of you, watch after you, love you, kiss you, hug you.” He smiled and told me he loved me.
We went back to bed and laid down for half an hour before going to sleep. I asked questions about his ex girlfriend…they were sex oriented questions and they kind of made me feel uncomfortable. He’s lied a number of times to her and I keep thinking he’s going to end up lying to me too. I asked how and why they broke up and I don’t know, it’s sad. She pretty much just left him and then afterwards, wanted him to stay the night with her. He didn’t though. He said he knew things wouldn’t be the same and he was done.
I woke up at 1:45, saw he was asleep, and took the advantage of going through his phone. No suspicious texts, direct messages, snapchats, BUT I decided to get on his Safari app…I looked through the history and there were links to three different Facebook profiles of girls he goes to school with. I also went through his Facebook messages. Nothing from girls but there was messages from his ex girlfriend…at first, she ignored him. I felt bad for him and then at the end, they were arguing. Like, it went from the beginning of the relationship (which was good), to the middle (she started ignoring him), and then after the break up. He called her a slut, she called him a liar…
I woke him up and told him Vanessa (one of the girls from Facebook he was look at) had messaged me and asked if we were dating. He freaked out and while all this was happening, I was texting a girl from his school asking what she thought. Come to find out, his friend, Tanner, supposedly went through his phone and was looking at those girls. All three of the girls were skinny. Like size 0 skinny. I’m a size 11. I’m a wide girl, and I told him, “I hope you know, I will never be a size 0. I’m going to be this size for quite sometime. Sorry to ruin your dreams.” I was so rude to him.
We sorted everything out though. I’m not giving up. I’m going to try to make this work. I want this to work. I just hope this is all worth it. I don’t think I can handle another heartbreak.